Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
