I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just tell him i said nine months
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
