I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
