Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
