Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
