Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just puked most of my soul out..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
