i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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