That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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