Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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