90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
