I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
