she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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