You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
