he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
