We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
