I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize