U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
