You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
