THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
