did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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