you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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