She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
