Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
