he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
