You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
