Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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