You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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