so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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