Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
