I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
