THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
