I bet he comes in French.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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