Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
