I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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