one two three fourrrrnication!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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