'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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