4 words: hood of his car
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
