well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
