I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
