Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
