last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
third nipple confirmed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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