That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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