Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Randomize
