Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
