Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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