hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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