I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
