I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
