get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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