Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
