We're facebook friends in real life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
