I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
