You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
